Do not let your smartphone turn you into a mute partner. Here are five strategies to take urgently to sound the alarm before it’s too late. My fiancee and I were always unfaithful. Even when we were together, we had the wandering eyes. And the couples around us were exactly the same. In all likelihood, we were all guilty. Our second partner? This smartphone bomb always in search of attention.
How widespread is this epidemic of technological indiscretion? Seven in ten people aged 18 to 34 can not spend more than an hour without looking at their phone. And most of the time, they take a look at them while they are already in the company of other people, according to a 2012 survey commissioned by lookout, a company specializing in the security of mobile technologies.
Megan and I each had our share of responsibility. I registered as present in our favorite bar on foursquare and I noted the beer ordered on untappd, all this before even sitting in front of her to chat. And she did not care. She was too busy on facebook or twitter. It lasted like that for a while. Then one night, while we were on vacation, Megan got into a walk while she was sending a text message and banging her knee.
I had to resist very strongly the urge to tweet what had happened before giving it a hand. That’s where we realized we had a problem. So we challenged ourselves: could we, as a couple, get off our phones for a whole month? Not allowed to take a look at the screen when we were together. Not allowed to communicate via phones while we were in the same building. While rubbing her knee, Megan approved.
I then contacted a researcher in sexuality and technology who explained to us that the compulsive need of a smartphone is an acquired behavior. The more you let go, the more likely it becomes an obsession. But also that the fact of not feeling a compulsive need vis-à-vis his smartphone is a behavior that can be acquired, just learn to use it in an intelligent way. Zylophin Rx Here are five mistakes not to commit so that the batteries of your relationship do not fall flat.
Mistake # 1
You take it everywhere first warning: according to a 2012 British study, couples who chat with their smartphone at hand – even if they do not use them at the same time – feel less empathy on the part of their partner. partner and think that they have a poorer relationship in general. They also find that the level of intimacy and trust in their couple is reduced by the presence of their phones. One possible reason is that mobiles are a bit like megaphones today: our conversations and actions reach an increasingly wide audience.
Metaphorically, we are never alone. At home, place your phones in the room next to where you are, out of sight, and answer only incoming calls. You will look more often at your partner and truly listen to him. It sounds obvious, but do you really do it?
Mistake # 2
You are sending too much SMS try this quick little test: check your call log to know when you last telephoned your other half. Then count the number of sms you have sent to it since this call. How many have you typed incorrectly and how much did she misunderstand? the very nature of short messages means that couples often misunderstand what is not written rather than focus on what is written.
A sms too short may seem dry and brittle. A message that is too long to arrive causes the anxiety of the other. when you are in different places but have a question to tackle together – the weekend program, your next trip, or even that little hassle you had last night – do not do it by sms. instead, write him an email. It forces you to ask yourself and reread yourself, and thus eliminate anything that would be confusing. it also encourages you both to search together for a solution to the problem as it is a much more collaborative means of communication than texting. If communication problems persist, consider picking up your phone and having a live chat.
Mistake # 3
You’re too connected to each other I’m subscribed to megan thread on twitter and I sometimes have to feign surprise when she tells me about the events of her day that I’ve already seen online. Tweets are real spoilers that ruin the pleasure of hearing a good story.
There is obviously nothing wrong with reading your tweets or sending small love words by SMS, but the communication will never be as strong as in a face-to-face conversation. I was initially skeptical, but after blocking myself on megan’s tweets, I realized that I was asking her more interesting questions and enjoying the stories she told me a lot more.
To follow megan so closely left me dissatisfied. I understood that this link through his tweets was at the expense of greater privacy when we were together. To no longer be frustrated, I just had to wait to have the version of his day in more than 140 signs.
Mistake # 4
You find it reassuring in moments of worry or frustration, megan often looks at her phone. She interrupted our challenge only once: after running a marathon. “I want to tell people what I did, I hurt everywhere, the devil rules,” she told me. On the way back by car, she also checked the weather because a torrential downpour had fallen on us.
She wanted to make sure we were not going straight for a tornado, which, by the way, would have been unlikely given the fact that the car was barely moving. Check your phone is a way to feel like you are taking control of a situation that escapes us. We try to find psychological comfort for a situation that is physically hard to control.
Mistake # 5
You lose the notion of time sometimes when I look at megan, I can not tell if she just napped or using her phone. She comes to me, eyes reddened, and asks me “It’s really a quarter of an hour? Is the temporal distortion of the smartphone. What starts as a quick glance at facebook is quickly turning into long periods of time lost. How can this happen? the tasks you perform on your smartphone are very short – 1 minute to check twitter, 30 seconds for a sms – so your brain does not save them as time spent.
These micro-achievements make even more compelling the need to consult your phone. And you will never know what you missed. During our experience, Megan and I attended a wedding. People were intrigued by our project. At least until the bride announces that the wedding had her own hashtag. While everyone was unsheathing his phone, we thought, “We do not care. ”
We had a drink at the bar, made funny faces in the photo booth, asked for some songs from the DJ. A little later, some of our table neighbors were still busy sending updates of their status. While we were really living, I thought, they lived in their phones. It could have made a good tweet. But instead of taking my phone, I took Megan’s hand. We were being asked on the dance floor.